To Boldly Go (or not as such)
by Autumnstar17
Summary: These are the voyages of the starship USS And Another Note, a ship that, unbeknownst to the vast majority of her crew, has been stolen by the horrifically unqualified Captain Emily Claus. (Original cast and story arc.)
1. Two Truths and Their Lie

**EPISODE 1:**

_Two Truths and Their Lie_

"I can't do this," Emily announced suddenly, skidding to a halt. Directly in front of her towered the USS _And Another Note_, a vessel that, although nothing real special as far as spaceships go, she couldn't help but feel intimidated by. It had to be at least twice as large as she'd pictured in her head and filled with just about a hundred Starfleet employees, some new, but most with many more years of experience than her. She took a deep breath and then turned to head back the way she came.

Soul, who was standing just behind the soon-to-be Starfleet Captain, grabbed Emily by her shoulders and spun her around once more. "Like hell you can't," she practically growled. "Do you realize just how much trouble we went through-"

"We?"

"-I went through to get you this far? Now beam your ass up there and go meet your new crew!" Soul shoved Emily forward just for good measure. Emily hesitated for a moment before transporting herself aboard the ship. Soul followed her in with a sigh.

"Captain," a stranger greeted Soul upon rematerializing on the _And Another Note_.

"Sorry? Oh, uh, no - that... _This_ is your captain. Captain Emily Claus." Soul gestured to her companion, who gave an excited wave. "I apologize for any confusion. I am Soul Powers, First Officer and Navigator."

"The mistake was mine. Captain." The man saluted in Emily's direction in greeting. "Scottie Lewis, Chief Medical Officer. I look forward to working under you."

"Me too!" Emily exclaimed happily. "Or, rather... over, I mean. I am looking forward to working _over_ you. Yes, that is exactly what I meant to say."

An uneasy silence hung in the air. Finally Soul clapped her hands together, doing all she could to erase Emily's bad first impression. "Captain, if it's all the same to you, might I suggest we make our way to the bridge and become acquainted with the rest of the crew? As I understand it, you wanted to get underway as soon as possible."

"Ah, yes! Of course!" Emily nodded vigorously. There was an awkward pause before it occurred to Emily that the others were waiting to follow her out. "Sorry, would you mind showing me there?" she asked Scottie, trying not to look too embarrassed.

Scottie raised a skeptical eyebrow but granted the girl's request nonetheless. "This way, Captain."

"_He knows_!" Emily hissed under her breath to Soul.

"He does not. And if you quit being such a baby about the whole thing the rest of the crew won't suspect anything, either."

Allow me to pause for a moment and explain this scenario in its entirety. You see, Emily wasn't really the assigned captain to the _And Another Note _in the first place. Although the girl had dreamed of living on a ship and traversing the galaxy for as long as she could remember, the cold truth was that she simply didn't have what it took to get into the Academy, as she proved year after year with every rejection. Emily had all but given up hope when she crossed paths with Soul, a childhood friend who claimed to have the perfect scheme to make their wildest dreams a reality. Thus far Soul and Emily were only guilty of impersonating a Starfleet officer, but they were about to do something much, much worse.

They were about to steal a starship and its crew.

-x-

Within the following hour Emily was introduced to those stationed in the cockpit and the three Lieutenant Commanders aboard: Chief Engineer Blaise Martin, Communications Officer Shelby Williams, and Ryn Paris, Chief of Security. She also met Scottie's assistant, a nurse called Amanda Goldberg who went by 'Zap'. Her mind still spinning with names and faces, Emily grabbed a sheet of paper and quickly jotted down a few notes to help her keep everyone straight.

"Uh... Captain," Soul tapped Emily on the shoulder, crouching down to be level with her. "I think the crew is expecting some sort of welcome speech. This is a five year mission, after all, and I can understand their desire to wish to know just where we're headed first."

Emily nodded, shutting the paper in her Captain's Log. "Of course. Uhm..." She dropped her voice down to a whisper: "Where exactly _are_ we going, again?"

"Never mind; just... just keep sitting there and look the part." Soul straightened her back and took a deep breath before addressing the crew. "Everyone to their stations! Ready to launch in five!" She seated herself at the front of the ship and immediately began punching in coordinates. "I hope you like the heat, because we're headed to Alpha Sector V, unless something more interesting pulls our attention along the way."

The deck became flooded with voices shouting out orders and readings of expected weather, travel time, and anything else remotely relative to the journey they were embarking on. Yellow, red, and blue shirts passed one another as they filed into their seats and other areas of the ship. Being her first time travelling in this way, Emily took the extra precaution of pressing a button that activated her seatbelt, which unraveled itself from wherever it had been concealed in the chair. Soul noticed this in her peripheral vision and rolled her eyes. The Helm Officer, whose name Emily had already forgotten, began reading out the launch countdown over the intercom.

"_30, 29, 28..._"

"Emily, dear, do kindly remove your seatbelt."

"Hey, you can never be too safe!"

"_24, 23, 22..._"

"You look the equivalent of an adult seaman wearing a child's floating device."

"_20, 19, 18..._"

The captain sighed and undid the safety mechanism. She squeezed her eyes shut just as the vehicle lurched forward, skyrocketing several thousand feet above the planet's surface. In another minute or two the spaceship seemed still again. Emily looked to Soul, her brows furrowed.

"What happened? Why have we stopped?"

"We didn't. We're in _space_, moron." Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. If this went on for five whole years...

-x-

"All checks complete, Captain," a woman was saying. "It should be smooth sailing all the way to Alpha Sector V."

"Why shouldn't it be? Isn't this a new ship?"

She blinked. "Y-Yes, of course. But it's protocol to double-check that all areas of the spaceship are running correctly upon taking off."

"Upon? Doesn't it make more sense to check these things... I don't know, _before _departure?" Beat. "Whatever. Thank you, uh..." Emily glanced down at her Captain's Log. "Shelby?"

"Blaise Martin," the Chief Engineer corrected. "You'll find Williams just outside."

Emily made a face. "Huh. Must be the red dress; everyone looks the same around here. It's really quite unorganized."

With a tense smile, Blaise nodded to Emily before taking her leave. Soul made sure that the ship was set up on autopilot before spinning around her seat to give Emily the most judgemental glare she could possibly muster up.

"_What?_" the captain shot back, crossing her legs.

-x-

It didn't take long for the theft of the USS _And Another Note _to come to the attention of the Federation. This isn't surprising, considering they had left behind the poor bloke who was Starfleet Academy-certified to lead it. To say that he was having a bad morning was putting it mildly. Unfortunately for the now space pirates, the majority of the other Starfleet ships that had set out that same day had their orders now changed to include the _And Another Note's _capture. On the flip side, they had little to nothing to go off of and it would be a good six months, twenty-four days, and four agonizing hours before Soul and Emily ran out of luck in that respect.

In the meantime, Soul suggested that Emily spend the following couple of days poking her head around the ship in an attempt to get to know its layout and goings-on better. She had incorrectly assumed that after having retaken the Academy's entrance exam a quite remarkable number of times, the captain would already harbor at least a basic understanding of how a spaceship generally worked. Because of this, Emily had ended up circling the same couple of hallways for a half hour while attempting to draw herself a map of the ship.

"Huh. This door looks new," Emily muttered to herself. She paused to quickly pencil in the room on her inaccurate map before hitting a button alongside the wall that pulled apart a set heavy metal doors. "Hello? Knock knock, anyone home?" she called out, ducking around the corner. It was there that she found Scottie and Zap, crowded around a countertop and completely engrossed in whatever latest project they were working on. "So this is where you've been keeping yourselves holed up," she mused.

The two of them looked up. "The Chief Medical Officer and his nurse in the sickbay. Yes, that is awfully unusual, isn't it?" Scottie mocked. "And just what brings you out of your fancy captain's seat and all the way down here?"

Emily shrugged, climbing onto the counter next to them. Scottie winced at this behavior. "Boredom, mostly. Plus, my First Officer thought it would do me some good to get to know the area." Scottie went back to his work without responding, and so Emily went on: "So tell me, Scottie - it is Scottie, isn't it? - what exactly are you working on down here? I mean, I can understand helping out when people are sick or injured onboard, but what is there to do in the meantime besides sit around twiddling your thumbs?"

"Captain." Scottie turned his head to Emily, obviously trying hard to keep his cool. "Pardon my bluntness, but might I suggest referring to your crewmen by their surnames? You'd be surprised by the amount it does for your ethos in a command position."

"Why do I get the feeling you don't like me very much?" Emily pouted.

"Because I don't. And neither does the majority of your crew."

Emily looked hurt. "You can't know that. Amanda - I mean, Goldberg! Zap? You like me, right? We're friends?"

"Uh... no." Zap didn't even look up from the file she was flipping through.

"Look. Captain..." Scottie strummed his fingers over the metal countertop. "We're all here for different reasons, but regardless of what those are, we've all spent years studying and training to get here. Now, I'm in this position because I am a professional and I think it's safe to assume that it would give the crew, myself included, some reassurance that you are as well. As far as I'm concerned, the main duty of a captain is to install confidence in his or her crewmen. However, with the way _you've_ been behaving since you came aboard..." The doctor trailed off, frowning at Emily as he watched her scribble several key points from his speech into her log. "Do you see where I'm coming from? This is exactly the sort of behavior I'm referring to! A proper captain shouldn't _have_ to take notes on someone else telling them how to do their damn job, they should just _know!_"

Scottie flailed his arms about in frustration. Zap didn't do so much as flinch towards the others, instead keeping at her work uninterrupted. She knelt down to pull out a filing cabinet and began sorting a stack of forms into it.

-x-

Heavy boots clanking over metal floorboards, Soul marched down the corridor in search of Emily. "Shouldn't've advised her to go running off like that," the ship's navigator silently cursed herself. "At least not before having a tracking chip installed."

She tried another door and peered inside. "Can I help you, Powers?" one of the crewmen asked upon spotting her.

"Did the captain come by here?"

"Yeah, actually, now that you mention it. We did see her... what, a half hour ago? Strolled right on in like she owned the place, knocked over a bunch of emergency packages, and then took her leave almost as suddenly."

"Sounds like Emily," Soul grumbled. "Which way did she go?"

"Towards the sickbay, I think?"

"Thanks." Soul nodded to the crewman, who saluted her and went back to work. She then made her way in the direction of the sickbay, where she happened to run into the very person she was looking for.

"Captain? What have you been doing down... No, actually, don't tell me." Soul folded her arms across her chest. "There's been a slight... situation. You're needed on the bridge."

"A situation?" Emily whined. "But I wasn't expecting any situations to come up for at least another week or so!"

Scottie turned on a sink and began rinsing several tools off. He had to raise his voice to be heard over it. "Well? You heard the First Officer. Better get going, Claus; we can take care of ourselves just fine down here."

"That's _Captain _to you."

"I'll start addressing you as Captain again when you start acting like one."

Emily stuck out her tongue before scurrying to Soul's side. They turned the corner, heavy doors sealing behind them.

-x-

"I told you once and I'll tell you again, I had everything under control!" Emily assured her companion. Soul, however, remained unconvinced.

"That's not what it looked like from where I was standing. How am I supposed to get you to pass for a proper captain in no one will respect you as one?"

She shrugged indifferently. "Respected or not, the job still has its perks. First crack at the cheese tray, for instance, or the distinguished spot at the dinnertable..." The Starfleet impersonator and her accomplice then entered the bridge, where they found a couple officers huddled around a screen on one of the control panels.

"We'll discuss this further at a later time," Soul whispered to Emily, wrapping up their conversation.

"Or never." The captain flipped her hair defiantly, to which Soul wrinkled her nose. "Alright, so what's this 'little situation' I've heard rumors of?" she asked, approaching the others. As if on cue, the four crewmen parted for Emily to see what the issue was for herself. "Well?" she demanded after staring at the screen for a minute and still drawing blanks. "I don't see anything unusual. What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"That's just it, Captain," Nat Drobotenko, the _And Another Note's _Helms Officer with a noticeable Canadian accent, began to explain. "There's nothing there. We should be able to see Alpha Sector V by now - III and IV, too. But... nothing. Our radar is still getting a signal from them, but that's about it. There's just an empty space where it should appear on the map."

"Planets don't just _disappear._"

"You think I don't know that!"

"So you're telling me they just got up and walked away?" Emily leaned forward and tapped at the screen with an index finger. "Seems more likely to me that we have a systems malfunction and we're actually nowhere near the planets themselves."

"Martin already confirmed that everything's running smoothly," Shelby said, biting her lip. "I can call her back in if you think that she did a shitty job, but I've flown with Martin before and that's rarely the-"

"Captain? I think I found your planets." The others looked to where Nat was pointing at the large glass panel that lined the nose of the spaceship. Sure enough, three orangey-yellow balls were visible in the distance, nearly forming a perfect line.

"Well there you go!" Emily exclaimed. "Exactly where they're supposed to be. Case closed." She pounded her fist lightly against the screen for good measure. "So what is that? Another fifteen, twenty minutes until arrival?"

"Stop the ship!" Nat shouted suddenly, shoving Emily out of the way.

"Wh-Wait, why?"

"Those planets aren't far away - they're just small! We going to land on them, _we're going to crash into them!_"

Without a word, Soul made a dive for her driver's seat and hurriedly pulled back at the ship's controls. The _And Another Note_ didn't seem to appreciate the sudden change of plan and skid to a halt, its speed dropping at a dangerously fast pace. Those who didn't make it to their seats in time were thrown against the back wall and then to the floor once the vessel had come to a complete stop, no longer it motion. Now hovering, it became clear that Alpha Sectors III, IV, and V were, in fact, less than a starship's length away from them and each still looked hardly bigger than a basketball.

"Close call," Shelby exhaled, using Soul's chair to haul herself up again.

Nat shook her head in disbelief. "This is impossible."

"Okay, so the planet's not exactly to the scale we originally anticipated. Big whoop," Emily laughed uneasily. "I don't suppose there's any sense in trying to beam down to it, taking this most recent observation into account. Although, I'm a little disappointed that no one bothered to point this out before we set off..."

"Something's wrong," Nat insisted, spinning around her chair. "Where the planet is now, how much space it's supposed to be taking up on the radar... It just doesn't match up. I can't explain it, but you have to believe me!"

"What's going on?" a male's voice demanded. Emily turned to see Scottie entering the compartment and was slightly surprised to find that he was being trailed by Blaise and not Zap. "Did we hit something?"

"Nearly." Soul stood up again and brushed herself off. "Tell me, Doctor, do you notice anything... I don't know, unusual about the view?"

Scottie took several steps closer to the window, squinting. "I'm assuming that's Alpha Sector V there. Or rather, one of them is. We're pretty close..." He shot a confused look in Emily's direction. "Why have we stopped?"

"Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear," Shelby sang. "And much smaller, apparently. Probably close to our size."

"So you think something did this to the planets? I mean, I'm assuming they weren't always this way." Blaise pressed the palms of her hands against the glass with curiosity.

"That appears to be the general consensus," shrugged Emily.

Blaise looked over her shoulder. "Well? What are we waiting for? If something caused the planets to shrink to this extremity, naturally occurring or otherwise, aren't we obligated to look into it?"

"Well, I see someone is ready to pounce at the first sign of adventure," Scottie mused. "I, for one, think it's a brilliant idea. Let's just send an exploration party down to - oh wait, no, never mind, we can't without risking _crushing half the planet's landmarks underneath our proportionally giant feet_."

"Careful, Lewis. With sarcasm like that, someone might just get hurt."

"We wouldn't have to use the transporters, though?" Shelby suggested. "Couldn't we send someone out in a space suit, have them take a look from up close but not actually touch the surface?"

"If there are still lifeforms on the planet they'd cast one hell of a shadow," Nat muttered.

Soul shook her head. "I remember reading about Alpha Sectors III through V. Their last documentation was recorded nearly 300 years ago, and even then the planet was near desolate. It's practically all desert and home to only a single small species of humanoid life forms that was rapidly decreasing at the time. It's doubtful that they noticed their planet and those around them shrinking with them on it, but odds are that by now they've either all died or figured out how to get the hell out of there."

"And if not?"

"Then they're stupid and not worth our time."

"Williams and Martin have a point," Emily said, her eyes lighting up. All eyes in the immediate vicinity turned their attention to her, perhaps wondering if, for the first time since the _And Another Note _had taken off, their captain did have something important to add. "If there's just a small chance that investigating around the planets will tell us something about what happened to them, then it's worth taking. We could even bring back a couple samples and see if our science department can draw any conclusions from them."

-x-

After several more minutes of weighing alternatives the crew agreed on the plan. Willow Dwiggins, the Science Officer, even volunteered to collect the samples herself. Decked out from head to toe in a fancy space suit and with a thick cable attaching her to the _And Another Note_, Willow was sent out on her mission. She returned an hour later carrying ten vials, each containing a slightly different sample of sand.

"I'll be in my office if anyone needs me," Willow mumbled upon removing her helmet and quickly disappeared down a flight of stairs.

"I don't know what Dwiggins expects to find from a bunch of sand," Soul sighed. "But I suppose it's certainly one place to start."

"Don't be such a skeptic. Do you realize the amount of fun someone could have if we actually manage to manipulate the energy used to create such an effect as this?"

Soul glanced at Emily with raised eyebrows. "Fun? First off, you forget that the shrink ray has already been invented. Secondly, the only thing such a power could be used for is destruction. It's only fun if you're the one harnessing it and have a certain disregard for morality."

Emily leaned back against the wall with an exasperated sigh. "See, this is the problem with the economy in most galaxies. People are so quick to assume the worst in one another. No creativity, just 'this is used for good' and 'this is used for bad'. Labels are incredibly narrow-minded, if you ask me."

"Sometimes I wonder if you can even hear yourself blabbering on..."

-x-

It's funny how time doesn't seem to exist aboard a spacecraft. Everything appears to function in a continuous motion, never ceasing. It wasn't until well after midnight according to the ship's programmed standard time when crewmen began abandoning their posts for some shuteye. Scottie found himself unable to sleep, however, and after some time of trying he finally decided to climb out of bed and take a stroll across the _And Another Note _to see if Willow had uncovered anything new.

"Dwiggins?" the doctor called out, turning the corner into the Science and Research Department. He scanned his eyes across the laboratory, but Willow was nowhere in sight. He repeated her name and wasn't answered once more.

Scottie stepped further into the room, where he noticed a small pile of what looked like dirt and broken glass. He frowned, kneeling down beside it. "Must've dropped her samples and left to find a broom," Scottie mumbled to himself. "What a klutz." He picked up some of the orange sand and rubbed it through his fingers thoughtfully. Scottie then stood up again, dusting whatever powdery remains were left on his hands off onto his black pants.

Having lost interest in being up in that wee hour of the morning, Scottie had begun to walk back towards his quarters when he was suddenly hit by a splitting headache. He reached an arm out to support himself against the wall, clenching his teeth against the pain. He tried to keep going, but wasn't even halfway back when the throbbing had become near unbearable.

When telling the story later, Scottie would be unable to recall exactly what had happened to him in the following couple of minutes. But whatever it was came as quite a shock once he had regained control of himself and the pain subsided. After all, he didn't remember the ceiling being quite so high... or the corridor so wide...

_Motherfucker! _Scottie mouthed, putting the pieces together.

"Lewis! Goddammit Lewis, why didn't you listen to me!" Willow sprinted over, out of breath. She stood at about the same height as Scottie - an entire head taller, actually. But that wasn't saying much, given that the both of them were no bigger than a mouse now.

"Listen to you? I never even saw you, let alone heard you!"

Willow shrugged. This was a perfectly valid excuse, although an unfortunate one. "In any case," the scientist went on, "I think it's safe to assume that the sand had something to do with the shrinkage issue. I have cause to believe that its properties work by means of touch."

"No _shit_, Sherlock!" Scottie let out an aggravated groan. "I could've told you that much! Now why don't you make yourself useful and figure out how to reverse it?"

"Calm your tits. We have more important things to worry about than ourselves; the sand shrunk the glass until it shattered, unable to contain it anymore. I'm afraid that if we don't get it back where it came from it might start effecting the _And Another Note_ as a whole. Hell, for all we know it already has!"

Scottie rubbed at his forehead. "Well, isn't that delightful news. So what are you suggesting we do to clean up this mess, keeping in mind, of course, that we won't be able to reach anything much higher off the ground than three inches? Five at the most?"

"You're right... We can't do much in this form. Not alone, in any case." Willow clicked her tongue in contemplation. "I can get my Junior Science Officers working on a cure once we eliminate the immediate threat."

"Whelp. Who are we waking up first?" Scottie asked, pulling a communicator from his belt. He clicked it a couple times, pressing the microphone against his cheek. "Check, check? Hello? Can anyone hear me?" He glanced down at the device with a frown. "It doesn't seem to be turning on... You don't think the shrinkage would affect whether or not it works, do you?"

"It's... possible. I don't know. But tell you what, if that's the case, I left my communicator on the table back there. If you think you're up for one hell of an obstacle course, we might just be able to use that..."

-x-

The task proved to be about as difficult as one would expect. The long trek back was a royal pain in the ass, but the real first challenge was getting past the already sealed doors. Luckily there had been an alternate entrance into the compartment, barred by glass that was unlocked. With as much combined force as they could muster up, Willow and Scottie were eventually able to create a space big enough to slide through before they snapped shut again.

After locating the communicator and steering as far away from what was now a miniature sand dune as possible, their next obstacle was rock climbing to the top of the table. Twice Scottie lost his footing and nearly plummeted to his death off of a stool. Willow seemed to have less trouble with this, at least until she saw the amount they still had to ascend.

"How do you propose we go about climbing the table's leg?" she questioned, hoping Scottie already had a plan in mind.

"Follow my lead."

Willow watched nervously while the man dove off of the stool and barely managed to catch himself on a thick wire running down from the surface above them. Wrapping his leg around the cord and hoping it would hold, Scottie began to pull himself up slow and steady.

Willow gulped. "Think you can move it closer from the top?"

Turns out he could and, with the aid of quite a handful of words of encouragement, Willow joined Scottie atop the piece of furniture. They were both panicked and exhausted, but at least they could now use the communicator.

-x-

"_Hello! Hello, can anyone hear us?_"

"_This is Lieutenant Dwiggins and Doctor Lewis. Please, if anyone's there, anyone at all-_"

"At ease, soldiers," Emily moaned, rolling over to answer her communicator. "Captain Claus speaking. This had better be pretty freaking important, waking me up at such an ungodly hour..."

"_Oh, thank god! Yes, yes, it's an emergency!_"

"_Captain, I'm going to have to ask you to gather as many senior officers as you can and come find us in Dwiggins' laboratory in the Department of Science and Research. We'll explain then._"

"_And whatever happens, don't touch anything!_"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way," Emily yawned, tucking away the communicator. She attempted to roll out of bed, flopping herself onto the floor with a loud thunk.

-x-

Soul rubbed an eye. "Whelp. Guess this means I'm still asleep and dreaming."

"Don't we wish that were the case," Willow said, staring up at Emily, Shelby, and Soul, who now towered over them.

"No? Well, then I must be seeing things. I wouldn't put it past Claus to slip something into my drink as a stupid prank."

"Wrong again," Scottie sighed. "Believe me, this situation is a bit more stressful from where I'm standing."

"But, c'mon. Magical shrinking sand? Really?"

"Look, I know it sounds crazy-"

"Fucking _magical shrinking sand?_"

"I don't know, I think they're kinda cute like this," Emily giggled, leaning in for a closer look. "Do we really have to turn them back?"

"Well, we have to at least try," Shelby insisted. "But where would we even start?"

"Don't you even _think _about touching me," Scottie threatened, eyeing Emily's hand as it inched closer and closer. She ignored him, however, and went right on ahead and scooped the man up in the palm of her hand. Scottie let out a catlike yowl.

"Fascinating! You're, like, pocket-sized and don't weigh a thing!"

"With all due respect, Captain, _don't make me bite you._"

"Just... be careful not to accidentally drop him," Soul advised. "Zap seems well-trained enough, but should we find ourselves in a scrape, we might still be needing our Chief Medical Officer."

"You pUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT OR SO HELP ME-"

"Worry about us later," Willow tried, urgency in her voice. "First we have to get that stuff off the ship, before it causes any more damage."

"After we went through so much trouble to bring it on? Isn't that counter-productive?" Shelby challenged.

"And a fat load of good it did us," Soul muttered. "Dwiggins is right. Our best course of action would be to get the sand back onto the planet where it came from. It took a while before the glass shattered, so I'm hoping we won't have any trouble repeating the process, just in reverse. Your thoughts, Captain?"

Emily set Scottie down again, possibly bruising him in the process. "Uh, yeah! Of course! Any volunteers?"

Shelby and Soul looked expectantly to one another for a tense minute. They then attempted to resolve the question with a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

"Best two out of three?" Shelby pleaded, her paper having failed her.

"I'll wake Martin," Soul suggested. "She sounded intrigued enough earlier tonight."

Willow gave a curt nod. "Perfect. In the meantime, Lewis and I can get started on searching for a cure here. Captain, if it's not too much trouble, do you think you could get a couple of Junior Science and Medical Officers? The more minds we have working on this puzzle, the better."

"Just not Zap," Scottie added quickly, rubbing at the leg he had landed on. "I'd never hear the end of it."

"Of course! I'll get on that right away!"

"Look at you, taking orders from the lower ranks," Soul sneered.

"Oh, piss off."

-x-

Soul managed to find Blaise's room easily enough. Without bothering to knock first, she pressed a button hanging alongside the wall and the door slid open. Despite being Chief Engineer, Blaise's room was quite... cozy, for lack of a better word. Crammed into the tight space was a desk and a single bed, which was currently being occupied by not one, but two bodies.

"Is there a boy in your bed?" Soul scoffed rather loudly.

Blaise let out a shriek and shoved the other person over so that they fell off the mattress and disappeared somewhere between the side of the bed and the wall. "_Jesus_ fucking Christ, Powers, _what_ in the devil's name are you doing in here!" Blaise gasped, springing into an upright position and pulling the sheets up against her chest.

"It hasn't even been 48 hours since our crew was put together! How do you _already have a boy in your bed?_"

"I don't know what you're referring to," Blaise said a little too quickly.

"You don't have to lie to the First Officer on my behalf," a male's voice chimed in. He stood up, making his presence known and in the process nearly making Soul want to gouge her eyes out.

"nOPE," she managed, spinning around to stare at the wall instead.

"_Bennett,_" Blaise hissed under her breath. And then back to Soul: "Sorry, I'm really sorry, I... Well, the captain never officially stated a policy regarding... well, this sort of thing. So I just kinda assumed. We're... We didn't just meet, if that's what you're thinking!"

"Bennett Rieser," the man introduced himself with a little wave. "_And Another Note's_ counselor."

"Yes, okay, never mind who you are," Soul exhaled. "Martin, the captain wished to speak with you about... Well, we'll discuss it on the way. So why don't you both, um... put some clothes on, send Rieser back to his own quarters, and I'll just... I'll be waiting outside."

-x-

Within a matter of minutes Blaise had exited the room in full uniform and was in the middle of tying up her hair. "Look, Powers..." she began, spotting the First Officer. "Would it be too much to ask that you do me favor and forget whatever you thought you saw back there?"

Soul couldn't nod her head fast enough in response. "Believe me, I'm trying. So. You and the counselor are...?"

"For nearly a year now. Well, he was only a Junior Officer until recently, but..."

"I see." Soul shook her head, remembering that there was even more pressing gossip at hand. "Right, sand! Uh, you remember those samples that Dwiggins returned with?"

"Of course."

"Well, funny story..."

Soul then spent the time it took for the two of them to rejoin the others summarizing the details regarding their unusual predicament. As anticipated, Blaise was more than willing to help out in whatever way that she could.

-x-

Emily had gathered six Junior Officers from both divisions (as well as Zap, just to spite Scottie if nothing else) who were already hard at work on their puzzle. Despite Willow's obvious disadvantage, she seemed to have little trouble with giving instructions to the Junior Officers as they frantically flipped through paperwork and scrawled various formulas across a whiteboard.

As all this was going on, Shelby and Soul helped Blaise into the space suit and prepared to send her out.

"Be careful with this," Emily instructed, handing Blaise the sand in a brand new glass container. "It's pretty big, so hopefully you'll have enough time to make it before anything happens."

"Don't worry, Captain. Nothing's going to happen."

-x-

Something did happen. It just wasn't something that the group was necessarily worried about in the grand scheme of things. Blaise made it to the closest planet, Alpha Sector III, just fine and emptied the sand back into its atmosphere. The planets looked even smaller now, although not by much. Blaise was headed back when her jet pack started to fail, perhaps out of fuel already.

"This would happen the one time we don't bother to link her to the ship with a cable," Shelby despaired.

"Can't we beam her back?" suggested Emily.

Soul bit at her lip. "Setting up a transporter lock would be difficult. Possible, but... really difficult."

"Then we can send someone else to pull her back in. Take a second suit and use the cable just to be safe."

"I'm not putting one of those on," Soul said. Shelby held out a fist, preparing for another round of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Emily sighed. "It's fine. I'll just go."

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

"I'm just flying over there and pulling her back, right? That sounds simple enough."

-x-

It had to have been, because not even Emily screwed it up. Clinging to Blaise's backside like a small child, Emily was able to steer the both of them back to the _And Another Note _in no time at all.

They boarded the ship and waited until their entrance had completely sealed and gravity was back up and running before coming all the way inside. The very first thing Emily did was remove her helmet, upon which she was immediately punched in the face.

"_What _the actual fuck?!" the captain screeched.

"That's for picking me up earlier," Scottie explained cooly. Clearly the shrinkage was reversible, as both he and Willow were back to their usual size. "I avoided your nose this time because I don't want to go through the trouble of fixing it back up again, but the next time you try something like that..."

"You just hit me! I... I'm your captain - you can't _hit_ me!"

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Shelby exclaimed, throwing her arms around Blaise.

"Yes, alright. That's about enough of that." She pried Shelby off with a slight smile.

"Oh, _she _gets a hug," Emily whined, rubbing at her cheek. "I can't believe you'd hit a girl, much less your captain..."

Willow stretched her arms above her head with yawn. "Well! This has been a lot of fun, but if it's all the same to you lot, I think I can hear my pillow calling me. I'll be in my bedchamber if you need anything. Which you won't, if you know what's good for you."

"Good idea," Soul agreed. "And I suggest the rest of you do the same. First thing tomorrow morning I'm getting us the hell out of here."

"Amen," Zap said flatly. Her complete lack of emotional investment in any given situation would continue to impress most of the crew for weeks to come.

And that, my friends, is the story of how Emily and Soul stole the _And Another Note_ and encountered their first misadventure. The following morning they did book it the hell of there and in the end never did end up making any real discoveries regarding the fucking magical shrinking sand and the effects it had on Alpha Sectors III, IV, and V. In fact, they didn't even bother getting any proper documentation of the incident because Emily, who they assumed would have the issue taken care of, didn't realize that this was the goal behind their voyage in the first place.

She would continue to make this mistake for as long as she was in command of the _And Another Note._ But more on that later.


	2. What Happens in Starvegas

**Episode 2:**

_What Happens in Starvegas_

"Lewis? Oh, Lewis, there you are!" Emily invited herself into Scottie's backroom, where her presence was most certainly unwelcomed. She seemed to be in a particularly cheery mood, which Scottie had trained himself to be wary of. "Say, you remember when I had that really bad cough last week? Well, it's back and" - Emily let out a forced cough as of to prove a point - "I was wondering if you had any more of those-"

"No. Absolutely not. Sorry to disappoint. Now kindly get out of my office." Scottie spun Emily around in an attempt to show her out, but the captain dug her heels into the ground defiantly.

"Now hold on just a minute, hear me out! They're _lemon flavored-_"

Scottie folded his arms with a judgmental look. "I don't care if they taste like chocolate; I'm not giving you any more throat lozenges for that fake cough of yours. This is beginning to become problem and I want no part of it."

Emily stuck up her lip. "Are you seriously suggesting that I've developed an addiction to cough drops, of all things?"

"The first step is admitting that there's a problem. Look, don't think I didn't notice you snooping around here the other day..." Having successfully walked Emily out of the room, Scottie shut the door behind himself.

"That had to do with something entirely different," the girl snorted.

"You're a better liar when you can keep from laughing."

Although she had already opened her mouth to refute this observation, Emily was suddenly distracted when her communicator's pager went off from where it was attached to her belt. She glanced down at it, wondering if it was Nat who was requesting her presence. Unlike basically everyone else on the ship, Nat rarely left her position in the bridge unattended for any length of time, however short.

"Huh. Mine too," Scottie muttered, noticing that his own pager was sounding as well. "Hopefully this won't take too long. Zap, can you keep an eye on things in here while I'm out?"

"I'll consider it," Zap droned.

Scottie smirked at this response. "Always a pleasure to have around, that one."

-x-

"So. You and the Chief Engineer, eh?"

Bennett pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "We're here to talk about you, Powers. Please leave my personal life out of it."

"I assure you, there is absolutely nothing fascinating to learn about me," Soul yawned, slouching further in her chair. "Are we done yet?"

"Not until I find out what you're hiding from the rest of the crew."

Soul stiffened. "What gave you the impression that I was hiding anything?"

"It's my job you notice these things," Bennett explained. He leaned forward with interest. "Should I be... concerned?"

"First off, it's none of your business. Secondly, we're all entitled to our secrets, and unless you want the captain to know about you and-" Several high-pitched beeps caught Soul's attention just then. Holding the communicator out in front of her, she hurried to the door. "Oh, that's me. Later, Rieser."

-x-

"Alright, why am I being summoned? Did something important snap off the ship?"

Nat spun around in her seat to face Soul as she strode in. Emily, Shelby, and Scottie were already there. "Good God, I certainly hope not," she answered. "No, nothing's wrong. I just figured you ought to see something." Nat pointed out the glass window. "What do you make of that, eh?"

She was, of course, referring to giant hunk of metal that the _And Another Note_ appeared to be inching towards slowly. It looked very much like any other ordinary space station, except that as it got closer they were able to make out the enormous neon pink sign, illuminating the starry sky with the word STARVEGAS.

"Is it some kind of fancy-shmancy cruise ship?" Shelby wondered aloud.

Scottie shrugged. "Could be. What does it matter to us?"

"No, look! It's a casino!" Emily jumped in place excitedly. "And look look look, they even have enough space for us in their hangar. Alright, gang! Let's get ready to land this sucker!"

Soul was unconvinced. "Are you sure this is such a good idea, Captain? We'd be going in completely without an agenda or any idea what this place is..."

"And it'll be a load of fun! Just trust me!"

Sighing, Soul seated herself and began preparing their spaceship for landing. "Well, I suppose it could be a lot worse. At least this time you aren't asking me to set course for a _fucking star_."

-x-

Several robotic traffic conductors assisted Soul in parking the _And Another Note_ safely inside Starvegas' hangar, after which Emily got onto the ship's intercom and announced that everyone above the rank of Lieutenant had the following 12 hours to enjoy Starvegas to their heart's content so long as they stayed in groups of at least two crewmen the entire time.

"So what's the deal with this place, anyway?" Emily asked Soul, who she had picked for her buddy system with little say in the matter. "Some kind of... interstellar knockoff of Las Vegas?"

Soul didn't respond, but a pair of humanoid robots held open the entrance doors for them, in doing so confirming her theory. The place was bustling with life. Loud music blared overhead while rows upon rows of slot machines lined the black and red carpeted flooring. Bright lights of every color went off from all corners of the room. Human and alien creatures alike filled the place, crowded around card tables and giant spinning wheels. There was a bar set up in the room's center and at its side a small stage with what looked like karaoke going on.

"I'm so glad we came here," Emily let out, unable to contain her excited grin.

"You're like a kid in a candy shop," her friend observed. "Look, I'm going to get myself a drink. Maybe talk to some of the locals, see if I can find out a little more about this establishment."

Emily pouted. "Aw, but I wanted you to teach me how to play poker!"

"They appear to already have a game going on over there. Why don't you go watch for a bit, see if you can make sense of it and I'll come and join you when I'm ready, hm?"

"Okay!" Emily agreed, already bolting in the indicated direction.

Soul shook her head in amusement before finding a spot at the Starvegas bar and ordering something for herself. She glanced up to see Scottie and Blaise were already busy signing up to perform something for karaoke. Emily's buddy system didn't seem to be working so well. Sipping at her drink, Soul watched with interest as Shelby chatted up a couple of sexually attractive men with catlike ears and tails, who then escorted her into a private room. Soul had just spotted Ryn and then lost sight of her again, but other than that she had lost track of everyone else that had come off the _And Another Note_ with her.

-x-

_Do you wish to play, child?_

Emily stopped dead in her tracks and whipped her head around. She had sworn she heard someone talking to her, but was unable to locate the speaker. The captain eyed the poker table distrustfully. It was mostly occupied by a swarm of tall figures in maroon-colored cloaks, their faces invisible underneath their hoods. Just looking at the creatures sent a shiver down her spine.

_Well?_ the voice pressed.

Except that it wasn't just one voice. It seemed to be a whole group of voices, all speaking at the same time and in a deep tone. Suddenly it occurred to Emily that it was the masked creatures that were speaking to her, except for some reason she could only hear it inside of her own mind. Just to make sure that she was following the right lead, Emily pointed to herself questionably. The closest of the cloaked figures nodded slowly.

"W-Well, I haven't actually ever played before..." Emily gulped, tiptoeing closer. "Well alright, yeah, of course! Why the hell not!" After all, these seemed like exactly the sort of people that you wouldn't want to get on the bad side of. Emily pulled up a seat and one of the figures began shuffling cards.

_You are a captain, _the voices went on. _Are you playing for your crew?_

"S-Sure?" Her eyes suddenly lit up in alarm. "Oh, shoot! Uhm, I realize I don't actually having any... money on me..."

_We do not play with physical currencies. Bets are accepted in the form of words._

Emily let out a sigh of relief. "Words? Oh, well I was kinda worried just because I'm a beginner, but that shouldn't be too bad at all!"

The hooded dealer passed the cards around the table. _What will the stakes be?_ the overlapping voices asked, and each faceless head turned to look at Emily with unseen eyes.

"Stakes?" the girl repeated.

_Remember that what you lose will not be easy to reclaim. Choose your category wisely._

"Oh... right. Absolutely. Uh, categories of... words, yes? So. Like, curse words? Maybe? Because I mean, nobody really appreciates a sore loser who does nothing but cuss about it." She, of course, was assuming that there were no real bets in this version of the game and that by losing one simply wasn't allowed to use these words in the presence of the rest of the party. She was, sadly, a bit mistaken.

-x-

"And just where do you think you're going?" Nat demanded. It had been just under two hours since the others had left and, having practically the entire bridge to herself, she'd finally given into the temptation to sit in the captain's seat.

"To check out this whole casino business," Willow announced matter-of-factly.

Nat flipped a page in her magazine without looking up. "You heard the captain. She only gave those above the rank of Lieutenant permission to leave."

"Do I look like I give a -? We're equally important to the well-being of this vessel. I don't know about you, but I, for one, am not just going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else gets to enjoy themselves!"

Nat put down the magazine. "Sorry... what did you just say?"

Willow paused, trying to recall what she'd just said: "Um... _I, for one, am not just going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else gets to enjoy themselves_?"

Nat shook her head. "No. Before that."

"_We're equally important to the well-being of this vessel_?"

"No, no, just before _that._"

Willow hesitated for another moment. "_Do I look like I give a -_?"

"Yes!" Nat nodded vigorously. "That bit! Why did you censor yourself?"

"I... didn't..." Frowning, Willow tried again. "_Do I look like I give a -? _-. -. Oh my - God, what the - is wrong with me?" She was beginning to panic now. "It's like... I don't know, I'm saying the curse words, but nothing's coming out!"

Nat gave it a try: "-. Oh, hey, that is funny! I wonder what's causing it? Does the _And Another Note _have some kind of censoring mechanism that got switched on?"

"That kind of technology doesn't exist," Willow disagreed. "And even if it did, Starfleet certainly wouldn't have bothered to install it on this thing."

Nat twisted a strand of hair in thought for a bit. "Well, is it just us? If it's just us it might be some kind of prank. We could try testing it out on someone else? I know Zap's still down in the sickbay."

"Very well. I swear to God, if this ends up ruining my whole - day, I might just have to cut a -..."

-x-

"Oh there you are." Soul glanced up to see Emily hop into a seat next to her. "Had enough of card games, have we?"

Emily shrugged carelessly. "Poker's actually not all that exciting. I only played all of one round before getting bored. Turns out competitive Dance Dance is really more my thing!"

"Hold up - you mean you actually _participated _in a round? You didn't blow all our money, did you?"

"Had none to blow," Emily confessed. "But the folk over there were real chill about it. They even offered to let me play with fake bets. Like, since I lost I wasn't allowed to cuss for the rest of the game, which really isn't that big of a deal." This news came as somewhat of a relief to Soul.

The two command officers were suddenly interrupted when Nat, Willow, and Zap came running up to them from behind. "What's going on?" Soul demanded. "And furthermore, why have you disobeyed orders to tell us? The communicators work just fine."

"I tried to talk them out of it," Nat promised, "but they insisted that the _And Another Note_ would be well taken care of by the Junior Officers and Ensigns-"

Willow quickly elbowed her companion. "Shut it, Drobotenko. Captain, Powers - we have reason to believe that something sinister is going on and we've just stumbled into the middle of it."

"What are you going on about now?" Emily laughed. "I haven't seen anything unusual since we got here. And by _unusual _I actually mean _something that you wouldn't expect to see in a place like this._"

"Captain, if it isn't too much trouble, try saying something vulgar." This was the longest sentence Zap had managed in some time.

Emily frowned. "What do you-"

"Okay, would someone please explain what the - is going on with this place? I mean, -, it's like every other word I try to use - refuses to come out! What - is this!" Scottie stomped over, Blaise and Bennett not far behind.

"We appear to be unable to express ourselves through the use of profanity in here," Bennett explained calmly.

"No -! I'd like a word with the - who thought it was a good idea to try and restrict my - freedom of speech!"

"Oh, so you noticed too," Blaise said. "It's funny that Dwiggins and Lewis seem to have the biggest problem with the Starvegas policy."

"Captain." Soul turned to Emily with furrowed brows. "Weren't you just telling my about how you played a round of poker where you weren't allowed to use curse words after having lost? Seems a strange bet to make if you couldn't say a cuss word here in the first place."

"I guess," the girl admitted. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Did these gamblers you played with happen to... I don't know, be wearing red cloaks and all speak at the same time?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it..."

Soul then shoved Emily so hard she fell off her bar stool. "-, Claus! I just told you to watch and not get involved, but _no_, you had to go and lose a bet to a bunch of - _Word Dealers!_"

"Wait, you mean it's _my_ fault that you're all talking funny?"

"No -!"

"Well isn't that just great," Scottie moaned. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"We can still try to win the words back, can't we?" Nat tried."Don't we just have to play another game for them?"

Blaise nodded. "Worth a shot, anyway."

"Luckily for you -, I'm actually pretty good at poker," Soul offered. "I'll go have a word with these - and see if they'll let me win back our cuss words." She got up, expecting the others to wait for her there, but instead they followed close behind, obviously very interested in the spoils of this game.

-x-

_Only the one who gambled away your words can retrieve them._

"You've got to be - me! The captain can barely keep track of whether ace is high or low!" Soul spat.

_That is of no concern to us. Is the Clueless One in or out?_

Emily gaped. "Rude!"

"Yes, she's in!" Scottie shouted, pushing her forward. "Look, you've got one shot to fix this problem - but no pressure or anything. Just don't - it up." He frowned. "Oh, you have _got _to be kidding me! That one hardly counts as a bad word!"

Emily was dealt her new hand as the others crowded around to watch. _The stakes will be colors, _the voices announced.

"Now hold on a minute," she protested. "Last time you let me pick the category!"

_You have selected your prize. We will choose your debt. _This didn't go well for Emily.

-x-

An hour or so later our heroes found themselves occupying a lounge room in Starvegas, where they had been rejoined by Shelby, her plus two, and Ryn. Nobody spoke. Part of this was because they had nothing to say. The other and even greater part was that they had no way of saying what they wanted to say.

After multiple consecutive losses on Emily's part, the crew had entirely lost the ability to use most forms of verbs, adverbs, adjectives, proper nouns, and sound effects.

Well, not as such. As it would turn out, the spell didn't transfer over into non-native languages, which meant Shelby was free to converse with the feline strippers to her heart's content. Their dialect was unpleasant to the ear, however, and mostly consisted of clicks and popping noises.

"-! Shut _up_!" Scottie finally snapped, glaring directly across the room at Shelby. "No one - to - you - - with your - cat people!"

"Oh, - off!" the girl retaliated. One of the catmen hissed.

"What are we - to - now?" Nat whimpered, sinking into the couch. "We can't just - like this. It'd - a problem for the rest of our lives!"

Soul shut her eyes as if she were preparing for a nap. "You can all - the captain for her inability to - cards like a - person."

"Oh, - me a break; it really wasn't that -."

"You can't - while -!"

"Sorry, I didn't - that last bit?"

Soul chucked a pillow at Emily, who was able to duck out of the way just in time.

"Enough!" Blaise sat up, bringing in the room's focus. "Okay, so things haven't - exactly as we -. But does that mean we should just - up and - defeat?"

"I don't - you have any - ideas, -?" Willow challenged.

"Well, normally I don't - the idea, but if it's our only option... we could always - Claus -."

"What?"

"We could - Claus -."

"Um..."

"-." Blaise was answered with a multitude of blank stares. She sighed. "Do I really have to - charades for it?"

After a couple minutes of Blaise attempting to immitate a student copying their classmate's exam they eventually realized that she was suggesting they help Emily cheat at poker. But despite the impressive amount of languages she was familiar with, charades was never something that Shelby had been good at. She remained convinced that the plan was to steal the words back from inside of the creatures' cloaks.

It took quite a while due to the discombobulated communication, but eventually the ten of them (twelve if you include Shelby's new 'friends') had worked out a scheme to get their words back. Hidden cameras would be set up around the area, positioned to see the cards of every player. From the _And Another Note, _Soul would then see the cards and tell Emily what her next move should be through an earpiece. Each play was assigned a different number to avoid confusion and those remaining would keep close to Emily and watch the game in hopes of avoiding suspicion.

-x-

To be perfectly honest, their plan was so complicated, something would doubtless go wrong even if they had managed to put it into action. Instead, however, the cat boys were caught trying to put up the the cameras in the first place. Improvising to make up for the setback, Ryn grabbed the Word Dealer who had been shuffling out cards, assuming it was their leader, and slammed him against the poker table with her phaser pressed to its back.

_What are you doing? _the hooded creatures shrieked in unison.

"Alright, here's the deal!" Ryn said, being sure to speak loud and clear. "No more games, no more bets. Just - us the words you stole and then we'll - on our way. Otherwise I'm - to have no choice but to - a hole straight through your friend over here."

"So now we're - to a hostage situation?" Scottie folded his arms with a shrug. "Whatever -, I -."

The Word Dealers hissed and snarled at this threat. _We are in a public facility. You would not dare to commit murder here._

"No? Would you like to - on it?"

Both parties glared intensely at one another (or so one can assume, as it's often so hard to tell with aliens such as the Word Dealers). Finally the cloaked figures exchanged glances and then gave a little nod. They then turned back towards Emily expectantly.

"Is that it then?" she asked. "Zap, please express your feelings regarding the events of today."

Zap thought for a moment before sticking up her middle finger.

"...Okay, fair enough. Scottie?"

"Who the fuck made the executive decision that put you in charge, again?" the doctor scoffed.

Blaise pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "Leave her alone, guys. Everything appears to be back to normal now. That being said, Paris, you may put the weapon away. Preferably before someone sees."

As if on cue, out of the corner of their eyes they spotted a couple of official-looking androids questioning the bartender, who then pointed directly towards them. The Starvegas security guards then began bolting in their direction, shouting "Drop the weapon and remain where you are!"

"Time to go," Emily breathed, already taking off towards the exit. Ryn bopped the Word Dealer over its head with her phaser before following her captain's lead.

"(I'm afraid I must leave you boys)," Shelby told the well-groomed strippers in their native language. "(I doubt we'll be seeing each other again any time soon, but if you would just let me know how to best reach you-)"

"_Williams!_" Bennett grabbed Shelby by the crook of her arm, pulling her apart from the aliens and dragging her along.

-x-

The mob burst onto the _And Another Note's_ bridge, startling Nat and Soul. "Go go go!" Emily yelled, jumping into her captain's seat. "Quick, ship! Fly! Now!"

Knowing Emily too well to question it, Soul took the liberty of starting up the spaceship and backed it out of the Starvegas hangar, very nearly running over a handful of robots in the process. Nobody spoke until they had put a safe enough distance between themselves and the space station and were sure that they weren't being pursued.

Relaxing in her chair, Emily chuckled softly to herself. "That was fun. We should totally do it again sometime!"

A chorus of 'no's rang out across the bridge.


	3. Seeing Double

**Episode 3:**

_Seeing Double_

Seated in her captain's chair, Emily stretched her arms out over her head with an exasperated sigh. "I was informed that this thing came with enough food to support a crew of four hundred for five years," she whined. "So remind me, again, how _grocery shopping_ fits into the mission?"

Soul rolled her eyes so hard they practically fell out of their sockets. "Must we go over this again? If you're content with synthetic meatloaf every day for the next couple years then that's fine by me, but if we're going to be flying past Lexar smack-dab in the middle of their annual Harvest Festival..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Emily moaned, sliding sideways in her seat. "But it wouldn't hurt for them to hurry the hell up from time to time."

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself. If you want it done but can't be bothered, you send a pack of Ensigns to do it for you."

"Oh, speak of the devil!" Nat called out from across the room. "Guess who just beamed up."

As if on cue the bridge door slid open and Shelby entered, wheeling a dolly in front of her that carried some sort of metal tank. One side of the cylindrical thing was lined with glass, revealing a fluorescent blue liquid.

"Took you long enough!" Emily exclaimed and sat upright.

"What did you expect?" asked Shelby. "Harvest Festival's always crowded. And goddamn, Ensigns sure love to get lost in crowds..." The Communications Officer shook her head with a chuckle.

"That doesn't look like what I asked you to pick up," Soul commented with a glance over her shoulder.

Shelby frowned. "In my defense, Lexarian is a particularly difficult dialect to pick up, considering so many words sound so similar! I'm like... eighty percent certain they don't carry the part you wanted, but instead they offered me this... thing... And it was a gift so it's not like we had to pay or anything!"

"Okay, but what _is_ it?" Emily pressed.

"Hell if I know," admitted Shelby. "I could've sworn they used the word motorbike... Or was it chewing gum?"

"Never mind what it is, just put the damned thing back where you got it!" Soul pinched at the bridge of her nose.

Shelby's eyes widened. "Put it back?" she echoed in disbelief. "I can't just put it back! Don't you know how serious the Lexarians are about their gifts? Refusing to accept it would be such an insult. But I mean, if you _really_ want to piss off an entire civilization for the sake of one-"

"Yes, _thank_ you, Williams!" Soul spat, jumping up.

"What are you doing?"

"Well if we can't get rid of it, then it's going into the storage compartment to be shoved into a corner and promptly forgotten about for an undetermined about of time. Williams, are all the Ensigns back onboard?" Shelby nodded. "Good. Claus, Drobotenko, I've already punched in coordinates. You can go ahead and get moving while I take care of this." Soul took the dolly by its handlebars and spun the cart around.

"What should I do?" Shelby called after her.

"Why don't you brush up on your Lexarian? Then maybe next time you won't be entirely useless!"

Shelby's jaw dropped. "Rude!" she scoffed.

-x-

Not too long after Soul had reached the storage compartment she felt the _USS And Another Note_ lurch into motion and nearly lost her footing. She kept and arm pressed against the wall until the room felt still again and then parked the strange oxygen-tank-resembling device up against a stack of metal boxes.

"And stay put," Soul said aloud. She hesitated a moment before deciding to crouch down next to the thing and inspect it further. Soul slowly brought the palm of her hand over its glass side when all of a sudden the fizzing water it contained went from radioactive blue to a neon yellow before her eyes. Soul jumped up in alarm and its color reverted immediately.

The ship's navigator blinked and shook her head. "Fucking Lexarians and their weird-ass inventions."

-x-

Soul was on her way back from the storage compartment when she quite literally collided into Zap in the hallway. "Out of the way, shithead!" the nurse hissed.

"No, Zap, we talked about this," a male's voice said from around the corner. "That's rude. Apologize." Scottie stepped out and met a cold glare from Zap. "She really does have an awful personality," he told Soul with a half-smile. "It's a wonder she graduated from the Academy without making any mortal enemies."

"It's a nice counter from the captain's blatant optimism," Soul answered. "Where were you two headed, anyway?"

"I have reason to believe that Dwiggins and some of her Junior Officers have been slipping into my office without permission and borrowing supplies for whatever the hell it is scientists like to work on in their spare time," Scottie said. "I doubt she'll admit to the thefts, but it's worth confrontation nonetheless."

Zap looked Soul dead in the eye. "We're gonna cut a bitch."

"_No we're not._"

The First Officer nodded slowly at this exchange. "Right. Well, I wish you two the best of luck with that." She took several steps forward before stopping and whirling around again. "On second thought, I did have a couple things I meant to speak with Dwiggins about personally. Mind if I tag along?"

Zap fished around her labcoat pocket for a moment before pulling out a scalpel. "Perfect. You can hold her down."

"JESUS CHRIST, I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!" Scottie screeched, snatching the weapon away.

-x-

Without the Navigator to keep her company, Emily spent the following half hour or so spinning her chair around in circles and humming loud enough for all the other command positions to hear. It was at this point that the ordinarily very patient Nat finally snapped and told her to shut it.

Luckily for them both, Soul reentered the room right about then. Emily leapt up and bounded to her side excitedly. "Well it's about time you got back! Geez, it's like I've been waiting on everyone at some point today."

Soul raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? I couldn't have been gone that long."

"Very funny. I thought I was the only one who still got lost on the _And Another Note_ anymore."

The heavy doors slid open again and Scottie rushed in, panting and out of breath. "Captain! How many times do I have to tell you, _your communicator doesn't do any good if you never switch it on!_" he wheezed.

"Oh yeah," Emily muttered, glancing down at the device in her belt.

"Anyway," Scottie breathed, "I just wanted to let you know... that Dwiggins and Zap have gotten into some sort of violent slap fight... Powers and I tried to break it up but things weren't going in our favor and we were wondering if you'd be so kind as to come over and..." The doctor turned his attention to Soul with a slightly confused countenance. "Oh. Powers. How did you beat me here?"

"Pardon?"

Emily folded her arms. "I mean, I guess I can come, but I don't know what you expect me to do. Captain or not they don't listen to me anyway. It's like dealing with a child." Scottie and Soul both shot their captain a judgemental look that seemed to go entirely over her head.

"It's worth a shot, in any case," Scottie went on. "I'm not interrupting anything over here, am I?"

"Not at all," Emily promised. "Drobotenko? You can manage things without me?" Nat put a thumbs up into the air without turning from her control panel. "Awesomesauce. This shouldn't be too long, but if a warp engine falls off or something you should probably just go ahead and tell Martin without me."

The captain and Soul followed Scottie out of the circular room. They didn't get very far, however, before seeing two very familiar figures, one of them pinning the 100% identical Other up against the wall with an arm locked behind her back. The three crewmembers stopped dead in their tracks at this, eyes wide.

"Powers?" Emily choked. "And... Powers?"

"Captain!" one of the Souls said. "Would you mind explaining what the actual _fuck_ is going on around here? I caught this imposter on my way back from the storage compartment. It wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with you, would it?"

"She's lying!" the other Soul pleaded, her face smooshed sideways into the wall. "I'm the real Soul Powers! You've got to believe me!"

The Soul that was standing between Scottie and Emily placed her hands on her hips. "Something very strange is going on here."

"No offense, Lewis," Emily began slowly, "but I think this little feud between Zap and Dwiggins is the least of our troubles at the moment. Um... Soul, if you don't mind, could you please let go of... you? Just until we get all this... whatever it is sorted out, mkay?" Soul hesitated before releasing the other Soul, who swung her arms around in order to crack her back, but otherwise said nothing.

Scottie looked back and forth between the three Souls with a concerned expression. "Um. Random question, but were any of you with me when Zap and I went down to the Science and Research Department to speak with Dwiggins?" He was met by silence and the shaking of everyone's head, Emily's included. "Well then. In that case, it's likely that we have at least one more Soul lookalike wandering around somewhere."

-x-

They did find the fourth Soul mid-brawl with Zap and Willow. The fifth was wandering around the starship aimlessly, and six, seven, and eight were brought in by a rather distraught Ryn and two of her security guard lackeys. After a rather unusual conversation (as one would expect with eight individuals who all thought and spoke exactly the same), the crowd concluded that whatever was going on started after the real Soul, whichever she may be, left the storage compartment for the first time. Upon deciding this, Scottie, Emily, Ryn, Zap, Willow, and the pack of Souls retraced her steps back to the room. There they were horrified to find another thirty or so clones standing around and talking over one another.

"Well there's your problem," Willow said, pointing to the glowing device across the compartment. "The original Powers must have accidentally triggered the cloning mechanism and left it unattended. Brilliant move there."

"Piss off," just about every Soul within earshot responded simultaneously.

"So now what do we do?" Ryn grunted. "Fight our way through, destroy the infernal thing that's making 'em?"

Willow shrugged. "That would certainly do the trick, but considering the amount of clones it's already put out I'm willing to bet it's almost out of juice as it is. Just a couple more and it should shut itself down."

"And then we just have to figure out what to do with the forty plus Powers it whipped up," Scottie said half-heartedly.

"And how are we supposed to figure out which one's the original, anyway?" Emily asked no one in particular. "They all clearly think that they're the real Soul. Same features, memories, quirks and mannerisms. I mean, don't get me wrong, I personally think that an army of Powers is a wonderful idea and don't know why it never occurred to us sooner, but..."

"Fight to the death?" Zap offered calmly.

Willow wrinkled her nose. "It is an interesting predicament. As you said, technically they _all_ are Soul. Regardless of whichever one turns out to be the original, the rest will all still feel as if they are the real one being tossed aside."

"We're keeping _all of them_," Emily announced loudly, latching herself onto several Souls within reaching distance.

"They aren't pets," Scottie sighed. "What do you plan to do with so many First Officers, anyway? And we can't call them all Powers. Or Souls, for that matter. It'd just get confusing."

"Of course not. Don't be silly. We can name them all after me, just spelled differently! See, this one can be Emma Lee, this one's Emmahly, Emilee, Em, Ehm Ali-"

"How about no," some of the Souls retorted, pushing her off of them.

Scottie bit his lower lip in thought. "Hey, why don't we discuss this outside?" he suggested. "Keep all of the clones in here, and least until we figure out how to proceed."

Surprisingly everyone, even the Souls, agreed that this was a fair decision and so Scottie lead Ryn, Emily, Willow, and Zap into an empty room across the hall while the mass of Souls waited patiently in the storage compartment, an eerie red glow now coming from the machine that had started this whole mess.

-x-

"What part of 'we're keeping all of them' did you mishear?"

"The part where _fuck you, being captain doesn't give you permission to act impulsively all the time_."

"Simmer down, guys," Willow warned. "The last thing we need is another fight to break out." She glanced over at Zap, who avoided her eyes.

Ryn leaned up against the wall with her arms folded. "In any case, it's a good thing we have all the Powers contained. I know a thing or two about handling swarms of people and I think it would help if we knew exactly how many clones we're dealing with."

"I wouldn't speak so soon," Scottie warned. He lifted a finger towards the glass window facing the hallway, where one of the Souls just walked past and disappeared.

"Oh, no no no no," Emily said, making for the door. The others scurried after her and over to the storage compartment, where they were both surprised and disappointed to find it seemingly empty. The group hovered in the doorway for a moment in silence.

"Where'd all the First Officers go?" Willow finally said.

Scottie rolled his eyes. "Typical Powers. I should've figured if the one of them wouldn't be able to stay put like that, neither would the entire group."

Emily shushed him abruptedly before creeping towards the opposite end of the room. The rest of the gang kept a couple feet behind her just in case. As the captain peered around a stack of unlabeled metal crates she spotted a figure curled up in the fetal position with her head down. "Powers?" Emily whispered. "What happened here? Why'd all the others leave, but not you?"

"Get back."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"I said get back! Run!" Soul's head snapped up. Emily could now see that her irises had become a blood red color, glowing faintly in the poorly lit room. "Didn't you hear me the first time, goddammit?" Soul hissed. "I said run! It's already happening!"

Had Emily listened to Soul right away perhaps her luck would've been better. But she didn't, instead staring back blankly. As if she had entirely switched personalities, Soul suddenly whipped out her phaser and fired it at Emily. On the upside, Willow had somewhat quicker reflexes and pushed the captain onto the ground just in time for the blast to nick Emily across her arm. Simultaneously Ryn hoisted a nearby box into the air and then swung it forcefully at the possessed Soul's head, knocking her backwards and out of consciousness.

"Did you pick that up at the Academy?" Zap asked with an impressed look about her.

"I had siblings."

"...'Had'?"

Just behind them Willow and Scottie seemed to be the only ones making a fuss over Emily's severely burned arm. "I'm just trying to help!" Willow was saying as Scottie shoved her out of his way.

"And I'm the actual doctor around here, so I'm telling you to fuck off!" Scottie had to speak up to be heard over Emily's seemingly endless stream of cuss words.

"She's my captain too!" Willow argued.

"We need to get a covering for this," Scottie said to himself, ignoring her. "Zap, do you by any chance have gauze in that ridiculously stereotypical coat of yours?"

"Well I might have if _someone_ didn't keep taking supplies from the sickbay!"

"Oh, for the love of-"

"Never mind! Look, just give me the coat. It's better than nothing." All eyes turned to Zap expectantly.

"What?" Zap crossed her arms with a frown. "No! Absolutely not! There's no way in hell that shit's coming out of something this white!"

Ryn sighed. "Stop being a bitch and fork it over."

With an exasperated sigh Zap removed the coat and tossed it to Scottie, who caught the thing with one hand a began securing it around Emily's arm.

-x-

"How's that feel?" a male nurse asked Emily, having just finished bandaging up her injury properly.

She smiled weakly. "I've been better. Thanks, though."

"I still can't believe Powers would turn violent like that," Scottie was saying. "Especially on you."

Emily shook her head. "She wouldn't. Whatever happened back there... that wasn't Powers. Not really. And hey, at least she had the courtesy to warn me just before it happened?"

"Yeah, and then you went and didn't do anything about it."

Ryn and Willow had opted to stay behind and start looking for the rest of the Souls with the help of the few security guards from earlier. Meanwhile Zap and Scottie had returned to the sickbay to do what they did best. (No, not babysitting the captain, but good guess.)

"Hey... Lewis?" Emily said after about a minute of silence.

"Mm?"

"Can I trust you with a secret?" Emily slowly reached into her pocket and pulled out a lemon-flavored cough drop, ripped open the wrapper with her teeth so that the she only had to use her good arm, and put the thing into her mouth. "I think I know how Dwiggins got the pin code to your medicine cabinets," she finally confessed.

Scottie narrowed his eyes. "You little shit."

"I'll reset it," Zap offered, disappearing through a doorway.

Before Emily could answer him there was a clicking sound from her communicator, which was currently sitting on a countertop just out of reach. Scottie and Emily listened as Blaise's voice came through the device.

"_Um, Captain? Martin speaking. Uh... look, I know this probably sounds really, really bad, but... I think I just murdered your First Officer._"

Scottie exchanged glances with Emily before answering. "This is Scottie Lewis from Medical. I have Captain Claus here with me, she's um... Well, she's been shot, but no need to worry about that bit anymore."

"_What?! By whom?_"

"Soul Powers." The other line was silent for some time and Scottie went on: "Okay, so the good news is the Powers you think you killed is statistically more likely to not, in fact, have been the real Powers." More silence. "Look, it's complicated, alright? I'm a doctor, not a philosopher. From what I gathered Williams unknowingly brought a cloning machine onboard with her, Powers set it off, and now it's mass produced a small army that I can only assume has started to malfunction."

"_So. You're telling me that I just got attacked by and killed a clone?_"

"Don't quote me on it, but yes. Probably."

"_Well that's certainly a relief to hear,_" Blaise exhaled. "_And here I was thinking I had a hell of a lot of explaining to do. So, uh... So, what exactly do you want me to... y'know, _do _with it?_"

Scottie looked to Emily expectantly. When she shrugged he handed the communicator off to her anyway. Emily hesitated. Normally Soul was always on hand to make command decisions for her. Although it was in the job description, Emily was probably the last person on the ship to ever properly do her job. "Uh, I guess you can... just leave it where it is for now?" she finally said into the communicator. "Also do you think you can stop by the bridge and see if Drobotenko and the other yellowshirts know what's going on?"

"_Yes, of course,_" Blaise responded and then the thing went silent again.

-x-

Blaise made her way to the bridge with little to no trouble. Unfortunately, a handful of evil Souls had already beaten her to the punchline. Peering through a rounded glass window in the door she could see several familiar faces huddled together in the middle of the floor while perhaps eight Soul clones had taken control of the space.

"Brilliant," Blaise muttered to herself, turning around to lean against the door and out of sight. "Not only was Lewis telling the truth about the clone army, but they've successfully stolen the ship." The Chief Engineer took a deep breath before pulling out her communicator. "Captain? Lewis? They've taken the fucking bridge. How... how many did they say there were again?"

"_Um. Thirty? Forty? Why?_"

Without answering, Blaise put away the communicator and took out her phaser. She set the thing to stun, perhaps hoping to avoid any guilt from having to kill Soul a second time. Blaise was just in the middle of planning her next move when a Soul came charging down the hall towards her, blood stained on the First Officer's yellow shirt. Blaise thrust her weapon out in front of her defensively and Soul skidded to a halt several feet away.

"Woah woah woah!" Soul said, arms raised up above her head. "Martin! It's me!"

"As if that fact changes anything."

Soul frowned. "And I just shot myself in the head. Twice. So don't you _even _try to tell me that you're the one having an off day."

Blaise lowered her phasor slowly. "I suppose... your eyes don't exactly look all red and glow-y like the others. That makes you the original, then?"

"You bet your ass it does. It's like a zombie apocalypse, except worse: they all have my face. But I digress. What's the deal in there?" Soul nodded towards the bridge.

"It would appear that your copycats have most of our navigation crew hostage," Blaise said. The minute she finished her sentence the lights above them flickered and then cut out. "Apparently they're also fucking with our power. Don't worry, I just had the emergency lights fixed. Just give them a minute..." The two of them waited in the dark for several seconds more, when slightly dimmer lights clicked on overhead with a buzzing noise. "See? We're not entirely screwed!" she beamed.

Soul folded her arms and put all of her weight onto one leg. "Big whoop. What do you suggest we do now, barge in there and slaughter the clones?"

"Too many of them. Especially if they're all equal to your strength and skill." Blaise shook her head. "We'd have better luck returning with more help. I know that Lewis and Claus are in the sickbay, since you shot her and all."

"Since I _what?_"

"Don't worry about it. _That_, however, you should worry about." Soul turned around to see where Blaise was now pointing. The door to the bridge had opened up and standing just behind it were the eight clones, their eyes glowing red and each tightly clutching a phaser of its own.

Soul's face fell and she lifted her gun again. "And you're absolutely sure you don't want to give it a shot? Maybe take down one or two more with you?"

"No, just run!"

-x-

Soul and Blaise managed to reach to sickbay with the pack of clones hot on their trail. The door shut behind them and Blaise immediately began fussing with the wiring in a metal box along the wall, hoping to securely lock the thing. "Don't worry, she's the real one," the engineer promised the others, who appeared to be acting shifty around Soul.

"What's going on out there?" Scottie demanded, setting something down on a counter.

"They were shooting to kill, we were outnumbered. It was flight or fight and I let Martin call the shots this time around." Soul turned her head, spotting Emily sitting up on a paper-lined bed with her legs dangling over the edge. "Oh, God, are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

Emily shrugged. "Hurts like a bitch, but I'll live."

"Not unless we clean up this clone mess," Scottie interjected. "Wait, so you're saying you lead them straight _here?_"

"Not intentionally!"

Next thing they knew the Soul clones were present, banging their fists and kicking at the door. "Huh. They seem to have multiplied in the amount of time it took us to get here," Blaise mused.

"_Martin? Martin, are you there?_"

Blaise pulled out her communicator to answer the voice. "Oh, Rieser! Thank goodness you're alright. Listen, there's been a bit of a situation onboard. Whatever you do, don't-"

"_No need to inform me, I'm well aware. I'm here with Paris and Dwiggins. Well, sort of. We were just ambushed by three assassins that looked suspiciously like Commander Powers. They're not dead, just unconscious. And so is Paris._"

Blaise nodded slowly. "_Wonderful. I'm in the sickbay right now with actual Soul, Lewis, Claus, Zap, and..._" She paused, glancing around the corner. "_Actually I have no idea who the fuck those three are, but I'm guessing nurses and the one in the red looks like an Ensign._"

"_Great, can we bring Paris to you?_"

"I wouldn't advise it. We're a little swamped, in a manner of speaking."

"That's it!" Scottie exclaimed, drawing in the room's attention. "The machine thing. It was glowing red when we first went in, wasn't it? Well, so are their eyes. Maybe if we... I don't know, smashed it or something they'd all shut off or revert back to normal?"

Soul shrugged. "Worth a shot, but how do you propose we get close enough to do it, genius?"

Blaise held the communicator up again. "Hey, Rieser? Would it be too much to ask you and Dwiggins to circle back to the storage compartment and destroy that ominous machine that seems to be controlling these things?"

"_We'll do our best._"

"Thanks, hon - I MEAN thanks. Just. Thanks."

"Man, I hope they hurry up," Emily whimpered. "I don't want to be locked in here forever!"

"Careful what you wish for," Zap droned.

As if adding insult to injury, the door was already prying itself open. Once it was large enough for a body to fit through, a bulky desk was inserted in between the two slabs of metal, securing it in that position. Everyone in the room took several steps backwards, weapons drawn (except for Emily, who was currently unarmed and decided to lie down and take a shot at playing dead).

"Whelp," Blaise began slowly, "it's been nice working with you lot. Real fun while it lasted." She looked to Soul expectantly, who made a face.

"I don't do speeches. Especially not short and sweet."

"Well I've got one," Scottie said, widening his stance. "Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers!"

Zap smirked at this. "Amen."

And then the clone army came flooding through to the sound of phasers going off in all directions from both parties.

-x-

It can be assumed that Bennett and Willow did manage to successfully break the cloning device, because the fighting only lasting for a couple of minutes that felt as if they had dragged on much longer than that. All at once the clones dropped to the ground, but not before most of our heroes were already pretty badly banged up themselves. And I'm pretty sure the Ensign didn't make it, but that's his own fault for wearing the wrong color.

Surprisingly enough the clones did reconfigure after this, going back to how they were when the crew first discovered them. At least this time they remembered having gone bad and that was convincing enough that they weren't all the real Soul.

Once everyone was bandaged up and Shelby assigned cleanup chores for the following week as punishment for helping start the whole thing, the Senior Officers who were still capable of walking met to discuss what to do with the thirty two clones that had survived the battle. Many of them were still butthurt about the whole thing and as such were against allowing them to stay on the _USS And Another Note_.

After a long debate that Emily was on the losing side of, the starship turned back for Lexar, where the Soul clones were to be dropped off to, presumably, start their own civilization on a planet that they didn't speak the language of. But at least Emily was allowed to name each and every one of them after herself, so that is something, for whatever it's worth.

Unbeknownst to the _And Another Note _and her crew, a stranger employed by Starfleet would visit the planet within the next month. A bounty hunter that was carefully tracing their steps through space. And if she were able to catch up with the starship, expose her Captain and First Officer... Well, that sort of information might just tear their whole operation apart.


End file.
